“So who here would like to fu#% Jane* tonight?”   This is the example one woman gave me to illustrate the culture of bullying and harassment in her team. It happened at a sales dinner with her all-male colleagues and two male clients. The question emerged in the restaurant, after dinner and the consumption of an abundance of alcohol (for the record, three of the men said “yes” before she got up and walked out). 

As is so often the case, Jane didn’t leave the organisation when this incident happened.  She didn’t report it.  And she says other events “even worse than this” take place in this company, one of Australia’s most respected brands, on a regular occurrence.

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But why would an intelligent, educated woman stay working in an environment like this?  Why not report it? Or leave? And why wouldn’t she blow the whistle on these behaviours which were so clearly in breach of the organisation’s policies and values, not to mention the law?

* * *

I think it comes down to three main reasons:

1. Women quite rightly worry that if they make waves their career will be negatively impacted. Our sphinxx research confirms this, with one in five women believing their promotional prospects would be negatively impacted if they raised concerns about gender equity in their workplace, while 16% believe there would be a negative impact on remuneration/bonus and 33% believe there would be a negative impact on reputation;
2. Our society still judges women who speak out on issues like this.  The media feeds the opinion so often held that “she must have done something to deserve it”… and they hound any whistleblowers like Kirsty Fraser-Kirk in the David Jones case .
3. Within many organisations, we make it too hard for women to speak out and report incidences like this.  The process itself is often difficult and too often skewed towards the onus of the woman to prove breaches of policy and the law, particularly in otherwise high performing teams. And it lacks the sensitivity it so often deserves.

The result?  A perception of apathy, or acceptance by women which is usually simply untrue.

I like this TED.com clip by Dave Meslin because it points out how dangerous it can be to confuse apathy with inaction for reasons of frustration, fear or fatigue. 

And I think there’s some important food for thought for employers of women in this… about the policies and practices we assume are in place and in effect in our businesses, but which are yet to be embedded within behaviours.

Now I don’t think for a minute that Jane is off the hook here.  Yes it’s tough to speak out, but without understanding what’s actually going on in an organisation, it’s hard for leadership to drive cultural change.  I know the CEO of the company where Jane works and I know he would never endorse this kind of behaviour.  But I actually think CEOs have a tough time finding out what’s really going on in their business.  And therefore it’s hard for them to make change happen.

Your thoughts?  What advice might you offer Jane? Have you been in a situation like this and if so, how did you respond?

*name has been changed

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Helen commented on 17-Aug-2011 10:56 AM

Thanks for this post. It's important to highlight the subtle (and not so subtle), pervasive cultural barriers to women's advancement in the corporate world. My advice to Jane would be to find an organisation that is more in line with her own values. Ultimately
every woman (or person) needs to make their own choices and I don't think we should expect Jane to stay and try to change the culture when realistically she is struggling with her own ability to survive and thrive. It's like the air safety instructions when
you fly - first you need to put your own oxygen mask on before you can think about saving others. This is why increasing numbers of women are saying no to the corporate world and setting up their own businesses.

Jennifer Bailey commented on 17-Aug-2011 12:14 PM

Unfortunately I hear similar stories in councelling sessions from far too many wonderful women! JenB

Anonymous commented on 19-Aug-2011 08:32 AM

Hi Jen, Almost exactly this scenario played out with a female colleague in a ASX200 organisation a couple of years ago. In some indirect way, the story made its way to HR who, to their credit, took prompt action and dismissed the executive on the spot,
following some investigation. The investigation and action, whilst applauded, did mark that woman and other complainants as overreacting to a bit of casual 'fun' and 'banter'. However, I can happily say the woman involved still has per position in the organisation.
Interestingly, it turned out that HR had not followed due recruitment process and had not spoken with the executive's referees prior to offering him the role. Had they done so they may well have learn that he had been dismissed from a previous role for the
exact same behaviour. Thanks for the story. It's important to keep the light on these issues, which are still there, regardless of the shiny diversity awards that many of these organisations are winning.

Lee commented on 26-Aug-2011 02:39 PM

One of my first thoughts is to question the responses and actions (or lack of) from all of the other males at the table that night - both colleagues and clients. Every one of them had a responsibility to speak up and say that such behaviour was unacceptable.
I wonder how they would have felt if it was their wife / sister / daughter being subjected to such comments. I believe that one way to bring about a change in culture is for women to educate their men (partners, sons)at home and discuss such issues from a
woman's perspective. Men who learn to respect women at home and in society will carry that into the workplace.

The SheEO commented on 30-Aug-2011 09:53 PM

Anon... thank goodness for your post! You give me hope there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's a shame about the references... but there is a good outcome for the whistleblower in your story. And to Lee... couldn't agree more... where were the gentlemen
at the table? Obviously home with their wife and kids for the night!!